Discovering True Friends During Life Transitions: What Leaving My Job Taught Me

A personal letter about discovering true friends during life transitions — and why stepping away from a high-profile role revealed more about people than a decade of working alongside them.

Originally wrote June 13. 2013

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Discovering true friends during life transitions is one of those lessons nobody warns you about clearly enough — and leaving a high-profile job I built from the ground up taught me more about the people in my life than almost anything else I have ever done. It has been a while since my last post, and a lot has happened. What some people called a bold move leaving the Charleston Wine + Food Festival has paid off in ways I never fully anticipated — professionally, personally, and especially in my understanding of who is genuinely in my corner. Discovering true friends during life transitions is sometimes uncomfortable, always clarifying, and ultimately one of the greatest gifts a major change can give you.

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What Discovering True Friends During Life Transitions Actually Looks Like

The response to my departure genuinely surprised me — not because people reached out, but because of who reached out and what they said. The letters and calls from chefs from all over the country were completely overwhelming. Nico Romo’s message was among the most touching I received, and he was far from alone. Chef after chef said some version of the same thing: I wish I had told you sooner how much we appreciated what you did. I cried reading those messages, and I mean that without any embarrassment whatsoever. I genuinely had not known the full extent of how many people I had helped along the way. That kind of clarity is one of the unexpected gifts of discovering true friends during major life transitions.

One of my favorite calls came from Rathead — someone I don’t know enormously well, but well enough to love completely, him and his wife both. He called to say he was bummed I was leaving but genuinely excited for me at the same time. His reasoning was perfect: we could now go out all night during the Festival, and then — best of all — I could actually sleep in. Amen to that. That is the kind of friend who tells you the truth with love, and that kind of friendship is worth more than almost anything else.

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True Friends During Transitions Show Up in Unexpected Places

The media relationships I had built over my entire career showed up for me in ways I didn’t entirely expect. These are people I will likely work most closely with through my new venture, and I’ll be honest — I was worried that some of them might quietly back away once I was no longer in the position I had held. I was wrong. The opposite happened. Call after call, email after email, expressing genuine excitement about what I was building next and offering real support. Professional relationships built on mutual respect rather than transactional value are the ones that survive transitions — and discovering which of mine fell into that category was enormously clarifying.

My family and out-of-office friends have been my foundation throughout all of it. The cheerleading, the childcare during late nights and long trips while building the new business, the steady presence when everything else was in flux — that kind of unconditional support is what discovering true friends during life transitions ultimately comes down to. I don’t take a single moment of it for granted.

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Discovering Who True Friends Are — And Who They Aren’t

This is the part of discovering true friends during life transitions that nobody particularly enjoys, but everybody needs to reckon with: some people showed their true colors, and the picture wasn’t what I expected.

Relationships I believed were real and deep turned out to be entirely conditional — present when I was in a position to be useful, absent the moment I wasn’t. Most of those people I can now file cleanly under “part of that chapter” without much grief. Knowing who those people are is not a loss. It is a clarification that protects your energy going forward, and I am genuinely grateful for it.

Research on social networks during career transitions consistently shows that major life changes are among the most accurate filters for identifying genuine relationships — the people who show up when there is nothing obvious in it for them are the ones worth investing in. I now know exactly who those people are in my life, and that knowledge is invaluable.

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What Discovering True Friends During Life Transitions Has Given Me

The volunteers who reached out. The community leaders. The people I had always admired but never spent significant time with. The clients of my new business who fit so perfectly with my personality and philosophy that I can be completely myself — unfiltered, honest, occasionally profane — and feel nothing but joy in every single interaction. Each note, each call, each email has meant the world to me in ways I could not have predicted before going through this.

Discovering true friends during life transitions has ultimately given me a cleaner, clearer, more honest picture of my world than I had before. And the people who are in that picture — the real ones, the ones who showed up — I will spend the rest of my life being exactly that kind of friend right back to them.

To the people who love me, support me, and have proven themselves true — thank you. This new chapter is for all of us, Angel

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Learn more about Angel Holmes and everything she’s passionate about at sipindipity.com/angel-holmes.