Never Stop Dreaming BIGGIE — Episode 65

Finding deep friendship as a grown woman is harder than anyone admits. You can have a packed calendar, a wide circle of friends, and a phone full of contacts — and still feel completely alone. If that hits a little too close to home, you’re not the only one. In fact, you’re in good company, because deep friendship and adult loneliness are exactly what I get into on Episode 65 of the Never Stop Dreaming BIGGIE podcast.

This one is personal. It’s about adult loneliness, the quiet kind nobody likes to admit to, and the very real work of finding deep friendship as a grown woman. I wrote about it on my Substack a couple weeks ago, and it struck such a nerve that I knew I had to talk about it here too.

Why Adult Friendship Feels So Hard

Here’s the truth: making friends as an adult is hard. Not because there aren’t people around — there are people everywhere. It’s because real, two-way, deep friendship takes time, energy, and intentionality, and most of us are running on empty.

I’m genuinely blessed in the friendship department. I have childhood friends here in Charleston who know me inside and out — the good, the bad, and the ugly. I have long-distance friends I can call and talk to for hours like no time has passed. I have business friends I see all the time. So why have I still felt that ache?

Because lately I’ve realized I don’t have that one person I can go really deep with right now, other than my husband, Brian. The people who would be there for me in a heartbeat are in different seasons — maxed out, carrying their own heavy things. And that’s the part we don’t say out loud: a lot of us are lonely not because we’re unloved, but because everyone around us is at capacity.

If you’ve felt this, I want you to hear me clearly: you are not alone, and there is nothing wrong with you. The first step to healing loneliness is simply naming it.

Friends for a Season, a Reason, and a Lifetime

People come into our lives for a season, a reason, or a lifetime — and we need all three. The trouble starts when we expect every friendship to be the deep, daily, ride-or-die kind. That’s just not realistic, and it sets us up to feel disappointed.

Some friends are there for a specific chapter. Some are there to teach you something or get you through a hard moment. And a precious few are with you for life. Learning to appreciate each kind for what it is — instead of resenting it for what it isn’t — changes everything about how you experience friendship.

How I Prayed My Way Into a Deep Friendship

When Brian and I moved to Park West, right before COVID, I didn’t know a soul. I was isolated and lonely. So I did two things: I prayed, and I put myself out there.

I started noticing the same woman everywhere — at church, at my gym, in my neighborhood. I finally decided that was no coincidence. I’ll be honest, I kind of stalked her for a bit (I told her so later!). At first she was standoffish, but eventually she invited me into her run group. Once she saw my heart was in the right place, we started running together, I joined her Bible study, and we became close — really close.

That friendship is proof of something I hold onto: when I pray for connection and then actually do the work to find it, God sends the right person. But the work part matters. You have to be intentional. You have to show up. Sometimes that means coffee with someone you barely know, just to see who sticks.

How to Build Deep Friendship as a Grown Woman

This episode isn’t only about finding your people. Building deep friendship as a grown woman is also about becoming the kind of friend worth having. Here are a few of the self-awareness tools I talk about that have genuinely changed how I show up in every relationship.

“Wait, Why Am I Talking?”

This is my favorite check. In the middle of a conversation, I literally ask myself: Why am I talking right now? Am I adding value? Have I given this person space to share? It’s the fastest way to catch yourself dominating a conversation and turn it back into a two-way street.

I’ve noticed people tend to over-talk for one of two reasons: either they’re lonely and finally have an outlet, or they lack the self-awareness to pause. I have compassion for the first — but I’m also a person who needs to be heard too.

Don’t Be a One-Upper

You know the type. You share something you’re excited about, and instead of celebrating with you, they top it. “Oh, you went to Disney? Well, I did this, that, and the other.” One-uppers take the joy out of your moment and make it about them. Catch yourself — and protect your own conversations from people who do it constantly.

Have an Out-of-Body Experience

This is a tool I learned in counseling years ago. Mentally step outside of yourself and watch how you show up. Are your arms crossed (unapproachable)? Are you making eye contact? Are you really listening, or just waiting to talk? If you can’t picture it, record yourself — or try the Tony Robbins “modeling” exercise, where someone mirrors your gestures and tone back to you. My son Riley and I did this once and I could not stop laughing at how obnoxious I can be. It was humbling, and so useful.

Outserve Your People

In marriage, the idea is to outserve your spouse — to love and give so generously that they want to do the same back. The same goes for friendship. I try to send cards, mail little gift packages, and once a week I go through my texts and reach out to people I haven’t talked to in a while. Yes, I’m often the one reaching out first. That’s hard. But it’s also how you build the kind of deep friendship you’re craving.

Leaning on Faith When No One Else Is Around

When people ask how I get through hard seasons, my honest answer is always the same: I lean into my faith. Prayer is my foundation, and it’s where I go to fill my tank when I feel alone.

I’ll never pretend to be perfect — ask Brian or my kids. But I do try to ask myself, would Jesus be proud of how I’m showing up right now? And here’s the most important part: my faith is about love, not judgment. I believe you should believe whatever fills your soul. Whatever your source of inspiration and support is, I just hope you have one to turn to when no one else is around.

You’re Not Alone in This

If you’re in a lonely season, please don’t sit in it quietly. Name it. Pray about it (or whatever that looks like for you). Put yourself out there, even when you don’t have the energy. Be the kind of two-way friend you’re hoping to find. And trust that deep friendship as a grown woman is still possible for you — the right person is coming.

I’m still praying for mine — and I cannot wait to report back.

Listen to Episode 65

Tune in to the full episode of Never Stop Dreaming BIGGIE wherever you get your podcasts. If it makes you feel a little less alone, do me a favor: subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a woman in your life who needs the reminder that she’s not the only one.

And if you’ve been wanting to connect — reach out. Let’s grab a coffee. I mean it.

Connect with Angel: 🎙 Podcast: Never Stop Dreaming BIGGIE 📱 Instagram: @neverstopdreamingbiggie | @angelpholmes 🌐 Website: sipindipity.com 📧 Email: angel@sipindipity.com 🌴 The Holmestead Hideaway: theholmesteadhideaway.com ✍️ Substack: angelpholmes.substack.com