Raise your hand if the word “networking” makes you want to hide under a blanket.

Yeah, me too.

For the longest time, I couldn’t stand networking. The business card collecting, the elevator pitches, the fake “let’s connect” messages that go nowhere. It all felt so… sleazy. So transactional. So not me.

And recently, something happened that confirmed I’m not alone in feeling this way. A member of The Brighter Side Society decided to cancel her membership because she felt there wasn’t enough “networking” happening in our community.

And you know what? She’s absolutely right. There’s zero networking in The Brighter Side Society.

Because I don’t believe in networking.

What I believe in is connecting and caring about people.

There’s a massive difference between the two, and that’s exactly what we’re diving into today.

The Problem with Traditional Networking

Traditional networking has become all about transactions. Here’s what I do, buy from me, hire me, give me a referral. The end. No thank you. No genuine interest in who you are as a person. Just… ick.

People treat networking events like some kind of business card collecting competition. They walk around with their elevator pitch ready, waiting for any opportunity to talk about themselves and what they can get from you.

And honestly? People can smell desperation from a mile away.

That’s not how I operate. That’s not how we do things in our community. And if you’re reading this, I’m guessing that’s not how you want to operate either.

So let me share with you the five ways I’ve learned to network authentically—to build genuine connections that actually grow your business without making you feel like you need a shower afterward.

Way #1: Start with Curiosity, Not Your Elevator Pitch

Here’s the thing: when you meet someone new, they don’t care about what you do. Not yet, anyway.

What they care about is whether you’re actually interested in them.

So instead of leading with “Hi, I’m Angel and I do blah blah blah,” I start by asking better questions:

• “How did you get into that business? That’s so fascinating!”
• “What are you working on right now that you’re excited about?”
• “What’s the most interesting challenge you’re facing?”
• “Is there anything I can help you with? I might know some people.”

When you ask these kinds of questions, something magical happens. People have to stop and think. They have to dig inside and remember their why. And that always fires them up and gets them excited.

Then they’re excited to talk about it and share about it.

But here’s the key: the 70/30 rule.

Spend 70% of your time listening and asking questions. Only 30% talking about yourself.

And when I say listening, I mean really listening. Not just sitting there thinking about what you’re going to say next or how you’re going to pivot the conversation back to you. Actually pay attention to what they’re saying, what’s exciting them, what’s on their mind, what’s in their heart.

Because here’s the truth, and I love this quote from Maya Angelou: People remember how you make them feel, not what you do.

If you’re sitting there asking questions, really being curious, getting to know them? They’re going to remember that. They’ll remember how you made them feel seen and heard.

Way #2: Lead with Value, Not Needs

You know what turns people off faster than anything? When you show up needing something from them.

“Do you know anybody who needs a copier? Can I show you my copiers? Do you need a copier?”

No. Just no.

Instead, you need to lead with value. Be a resource.

Here’s how:

Offer introductions. I always love asking people, “What’s your one big, scary ask right now?” Because us ambitious women, we always have a big ask. We always have something we’re working on. And oftentimes, whatever they need, you probably know somebody or have a resource.

It’s the wildest thing. When I go into an event, I always pray: “God, introduce me and connect me with the people you want me to connect with during this time. How can I help the people there? What can I do? How can I serve them?”

And it’s crazy how often I start talking to someone and they’ll say, “Yeah, I really want to meet so-and-so from this restaurant.” And I’m like, “Oh my gosh, I know that person! They’re a good friend of mine. I was just texting with them last week. Let me definitely text them and see if I can get you guys in touch.”

Share resources. If they’re planning a trip to Italy and your best friend just got back from Italy, send them that blog post. Send them those recommendations. Give them something valuable.

Offer free advice (carefully). Now, this one I would be careful about. Only do this if you’re the expert in that area and if they actually want it. I always ask first: “You know what, I have a couple of ideas for that I’ve shared with some previous clients. Would you like to know those?” If they say yes, I share a little bit and then offer to email them more resources later.

Before you go into any networking event, think about this: What are three things I can offer someone today?

Not what can I get. What can I give.

Way #3: Follow Up with Intention, Not Automation

Okay, so you’ve met some amazing people. You’ve asked great questions. You’ve offered to help. Now what?

This is where most people drop the ball.

They either:

1. Never follow up at all
2. Send a generic “It was great meeting you” message that gets deleted
3. Immediately add you to their email list without permission (don’t be that person)

Here’s what I do instead:

Take notes. During or right after conversations, I jot down notes on my phone or send myself an email. “Jenny wanted this. Becky wanted this.” Whatever I offered to help with.

Connect on Instagram or LinkedIn immediately. I try to follow each other while we’re still together so we’re connected and I have their contact info.

Follow up the next day (not the same day—give it a little breathing room) with a personalized message:

“Oh my gosh, Becky, it was so nice meeting you last night! I loved those earrings—can you please send me the link to where you got those? Also, we talked about you meeting so-and-so from that restaurant. I connected with him and he would love to help you out. And here’s my friend’s Italy blog post like I promised! I just love meeting you. If I can ever help you in any way, let me know.”

See the difference? You’re referencing specific things. You’re following through on what you promised. You’re showing that you genuinely care.

That’s not sleazy. That’s being a good human.

Way #4: Quality Over Quantity—Build Your Inner Circle

Here’s something I see all the time: people go to networking events and try to meet everyone. They’re running around collecting business cards like it’s a competition.

And then they wonder why they’re burnt out and nothing came from it.

Because a bunch of people = a bunch of noise.

I’d rather have one or two great connections at an event that I can actually build on.

Us ambitious women? We know each other. We can spot our people. When I meet an ambitious woman, I know it immediately. I’m like, “Okay, you’re my person. I really want to see where this goes.”

And I can’t do that if I’m trying to do it with 10 people.

Because real relationships take multiple touch points. Often it takes seven reach-outs before you can really connect with somebody anyway in this day and age of noise.

So my advice? Set a goal of 2-3 meaningful conversations per event. Not 30 business cards collected.

Spend more time in deeper conversations. Choose events that align with your values and where your people will actually be. And nurture existing relationships before constantly seeking new ones.

Quality will always beat quantity.

Way #5: Be Genuinely Yourself—Authenticity Attracts Your Tribe

This is the most important thing I can tell you: Be yourself.

People will smell fake and phony from a mile away. They’ll know if you’re not being genuine, if you’re putting on a show, if you have an agenda.

So here’s what being yourself looks like:

Talk about real things. Share your actual challenges and wins. Don’t just talk about how amazing everything is. Be real about the journey.

Let your personality shine through. If you’re a bright person who likes to wear fun colors, wear the bright clothes. Who cares if everyone else is wearing plain clothes? Be you.

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. I’ve shared openly about my three marriages, about my struggles with depression, about the messy parts of my journey. And you know what? That’s when people really connect. They come up to me and say, “Oh my gosh, I deal with that too. Thank you for sharing. It makes me feel less alone.”

Show up as you. God has only made one of you in this world. There’s no one like you out there—ever before, now, or again. It’s your time to shine. It’s your time to use those talents. It’s your time to show off your amazingness.

When you’re authentic, when you’re real, when you show up as yourself—you attract your tribe. Your people will find you.

How to Choose the Right Networking Events

Not all networking events are created equal. And you don’t need to say yes to everything.

Here’s my framework for deciding which events to attend:

Ask yourself:

1. Is this something I feel God is calling me to go to and be a part of?
2. Is this a place where I love the people throwing it and want to support them?
3. Is this a room where I can help others and grow what I’m trying to do (help ambitious women)?
4. Is this something my kids or husband are doing that I want to support?

If it doesn’t meet at least one of those criteria, it’s a no.

If it’s not a hard yes, it’s a no.

Save your energy, save your time, save your money for the events where you can help the most people and where you’ll find your people.

Setting Your Intention Before You Go

When you do attend an event, set a clear goal and intention:

• “I want to meet and help 3 new people tonight.”
• “I want to meet the speaker or host if I don’t know them yet.”
• “I want to connect with at least one person who understands what I’m building.”

Having that intention helps you stay focused and not get overwhelmed by trying to do everything and meet everyone.

The Bottom Line

True networking isn’t about collecting business cards. It’s about planting seeds of genuine connection that grow into something beautiful for everyone involved.

When you:

• Ask better questions and actually listen
• Lead with value instead of needs
• Follow up with intention
• Focus on quality over quantity
• Show up authentically as yourself

…networking stops feeling sleazy and starts feeling like what it should be: building community.

That’s what the “G” (Give) and “I” (Impact) in our BIGGIE framework is all about. When you give first and focus on making an impact in someone’s day, networking transforms from something icky into something meaningful.

Join the Conversation

If you’re tired of fake networking and ready to build genuine connections with other ambitious women who get it, I’d love to have you join us in The Brighter Side Society. It’s our online community where we focus on connection, caring, and actually helping each other grow—not networking in the traditional sense.

Because at the end of the day, we’re not here to network. We’re here to connect, to care, and to build each other up.

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Listen to the full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksxiQu92Xps&list=PLAsMYXLxBlYSdA7rcRgczFadrzgO9nM8B

Connect with me:

• Instagram: @neverstopdreamingbiggie and @angelpholmes
• Website: sipindipity.com/neverstopdreamingbiggie
• Email: angel@neverstopdreamingbiggie.com

What’s your biggest networking challenge? Drop a comment below and let’s talk about it!

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